Don't let anything stop you from achieving your dreams, especially when there's something wrong with your plate of nachos. Doctor Nachos can help. He's a doctor, and his last name is Nachos. 

Dear Doctor Nachos, 

I am a 14-year-old college student achieving my dreams. However, my plate of nachos has too much sour cream on it. Help, Doctor! 

Signed, 

14-Year-Old College Student 

Dear Stu, 

Like the popular song goes, "Don't ruin your dreams, With too much sour creams." Simply scoop unwelcome sour cream with an available dry tortilla chip, and either throw it away or eat it. 

Dear Doctor Nachos, 

Improve Your Coffeemaker Peni.s Save on Printer ink. Wear your blanket, As Seen on MSNBC!  I got you a job.

Signed, 

bookings@spiegelmania.com 

Dear bookings, 

I believe our last question was actually email spam. For spam to be the second question for a doctor's advice column premise, let alone a doctor's advice column, shows a certain lack of professionalism. As a doctor, let me assure you, when it comes to answering your letters, I'm no amateur. Next caller, please. 

Dear Doctor Nachos, 

Cheese won't be -- wait, what's that word for "covering nachos in cheese?" 

Signed, 

Puzzled 

Dear Puzzled, 

"Covering" is acceptable, as well as "melting" or "meltability ratio." 

Dear Doctor Nachos, 

What are the side effects of nachos? 

Signed, 

Set-Up 

Dear Set-Up, 

Side effects may include appetite suppression, farts, nausea, diarrhea, lack of sex drive, and beer intake. 

Dear Doctor Nachos, 

Cheese won't be meltability ratio over my nachos. 

Signed, 

Puzzled 

Dear Puzzled, 

As a doctor, I believe you should saturate cheese over chips in a manner that feels best for you. For more information, consult another doctor.