The most curious thing about the 50 Scientologists, who wore matching yellow volunteer shirts and were sent to Haiti: what’s their angle? Surely the people of Haiti wont be able to buy their books or sign up for their expensive courses. Was it to create a Scientology strong-hold during the rebuilding of Haiti?
A leaked Scientology email that turned up on Gawker reads:
One big thing that is happening now is Haiti. We’re going there with our Global Pioneers team to deliver seminars to over 1,500 people. We going for 1,500 hours of auditing in one week and hopfeully, that many starts. More incredible news.
What a perfect opportunity for Scientology–they could basically claim Haiti as their own and create a future Scientology island. Take that Pat Robertson; put that in your e-meter and smoke it
So how did it go for the Scientologists once they got to Haiti. According to afirsthand witness:
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They were completely unprepared for going to a third world country, let alone a disaster zone. One girl was in designer cowboy boots. I asked her if she’d brought any sturdier footwear.
“Oh no, these’ll be fine.”
I asked another guy what he’d packed and he said he hadn’t bothered to bring soap or toilet paper or food, but that he’d just “buy whatever I need at Port-au-Prince airport.” I couldn’t break it to him……
They brought the weirdness of touch healing into a very superstitious society. They’d leave the tent and come into the general hospital downtown, and try healing people. One of the doctors and one of the nurses told me that the wounded started coming to them to tell them they didn’t want to be treated by the people in the yellow shirts.
This makes me very, very happy. This is exactly what the world of aerobics needs: a Christian twist with messages and dance moves regarding stomping down Satan.
Brought to us by the fine folks at the Dream Keepers Ensemble, we learn such Christian choreographed aerobic dance moves as, “Shake the devil off,” Walk in his spirit,” and of course the legendary, “We stomp the devil down!”
Led by Paul Eugene–a man who is like the Billy Blanks of Christian aerobics-the result is something that slightly resembles country line dancing but with a Jesus twist. The best part about the video is his background dancer who diligently execute the Sanctified Slide; they seem rounded up at the very last minute for the video. The woman looks like she works in the cafeteria while the guy in the WalMart sweatpants has that classic creepy pedophile look and resembles Kip from Napoleon Dynamite.
And if you think the Sanctified Slide lives in some sort of You Tube bubble, I actually came across a video of a basement full of people ready to stomp Satan down as they line dance for Jesus:
This goes into the holy f*ckfile. According to ABC News:
"Coded references to New Testament Bible passages about Jesus Christ are inscribed on high-powered rifle sights provided to the United States military by a Michigan company."
This is just plain scary on sooo many different levels.
Not only does Trijicon, manufactures weapon sights used by U.S. troops in Iraq and Afghanistan, but they are also used to train Iraqi and Afghan soldiers.
Their website reads: “Guided by our values, we endeavor to have our products used wherever precision aiming solutions are required to protect individual freedom.”
Man, I was slightly pissed to learn that In & Out Burgerputs Bible verses on their hamburger wrappers. This is light-years beyond that. Can you even get into the mindset of these weaponry manufacturers; they actually take the time to secretly inscribe the word of Jesus on their concoctions of death!?
What a throwback to the days of the Crusades of Europe. Yes, convert or die towelhead: we’re killing you in the name of Jesus! The secret biblical messages include a reference to Second Corinthians 4:6:
“For God, who commanded the light to shine out of darkness, hath shined in our hearts, to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.”
Also, included are citations to the books of Revelation, Matthew and John that deal with Jesus as “the light of the world.” The gun sight reads:
“Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”
Yes, killing the way Jesus would’ve wanted it. It gets better: Trijicon has a $660 million multi-year contract to provide up to 800,000 sights to the Marine Corps.
The company’s web site also trumpets: “This goodness has been based on Biblical standards throughout our history, and we will strive to follow those morals.”
Finally, a weaponry company that Pat Robertson can fully get behind! Watch Trijicon’s promo video and see how much creepier knowing its all for Jesus:
What an absolute religious-fanatical tool Pat Robertson is.
A 7.o earthquake struck Haiti on Tuesday: a major catastrophe for one of the world’s poorest countries. With no exact estimate on the number dead and wounded, ambassador Raymond Alcide Joseph told CNN:
“The only thing I can do now is pray and hope for the best.”
One would get a completely different reaction on this horrific disaster if they asked TV evangelist/complete delusional douche, Pat Robertson. Taking a typical page from the extreme religious right, Robertson believes the horrors in Haiti occurred because:
“They got together and made a pact with the devil!”
Addressing his viewers on the 700 Club, Robertson elaborated on the Haitian revolt against the French in the 19th century:
“They were under the heel of the French…and they got together and swore a pact to the Devil. They said, we will serve you if you’ll get us free from the French.”
Robertson concluded that ever since then (the Haitians, by the way, were revolting against slavery), they’ve been cursed by one thing after another. With the typical mentality of the extreme religious right, I’m very surprised that Pat Robertson didn’t blame the devastating earthquake in Haiti on all the homosexuals in the world.
Pat Robertson you seem to have all the answers. Now go away you sad, little man–we don’t need your smug, faux religious superiority in this sad time of crisis.
(This is Part Two of my crazy escapade into the XXX Church)
Porn Sunday extends into the evening with a special movie presentation of Missionary Positions, and prayer session held in the church's gym. I've taken it upon myself to attend undercover in order to fit in with the demographic they are trying to reach, and perhaps be a role model to others:
PSEUDONYM: Dirk Saddler (slightly porn star sounding name)
OUTFIT: Slacks that fit too tight. Pimp shoes.
BACKSTORY: Former porn addict who lost it all, everything, but has redeemed himself by now becoming addicted to Jesus Christ.
APPROACH: In order to pose as a former porn addict, I must think like one.
I've also enlisted the services of a busty stripper friend of mine to pose as Sapphire, Dirk Straddler's beautiful new Christian wife. Dressed in a very tight, almost see-through belly shirt that leaves very little too the imagination, Sapphire will be the true test for the men at Porn Sunday.
Christian Scientists are protesting against Obama’s health care plan.
Unlike the Tea Party Patriots, they don’t see the plan as socialist. They want their form of medical treatment to be included in the bill: prayer.Christian Scientists are lobbying lawmakers to include their alternative to medical care–which is spiritual healing and prayer–to be covered by private insurers. Prayer practitioners can charge up to $50 per prayer session and the religious sect wants these type of charges to be acknowledged in the health care plan.
“It’s our intention that the health care bill recognizes the fact that medical care is not the only form of health care,” said Eric Nelson, spokesman for the Christian Science church in Northern California and also a practitioner. Christian Science’s alternative medical practices have always been tainted with controversy.
Astute example which occurred in Oregon City involving spiritual healing:
"As the 15-month-old girl struggled to breathe, church members anointed her with oil and pleaded with God to provide a cure. But Ava died March 2, 2008, of bronchial pneumonia and a blood infection. Antibiotics could have saved her life, the state medical examiner’s office said."
In another tragic case, Christian Science parents used prayer, instead of medical professionals, to try to heal their 2-year-old son of a painful bowel obstruction.
Besides dismissing the idea as “ridiculous,” opponents of prayer coverage warn that this type of legislation also violates the separation of church and state. Spiritual health care is a dangerous dance to tango. Where do you draw the line on spiritual treatment and just plain insanely dangerous? All you have to do is ask new age guru James Arthur Ray next time you need a sweat lodge session.
“Porn is the hate literature of our time!” I read from Think Before You Look—a book regarding America’s porn addiction and how it can be cured through, yes of course, Jesus.
As I page through the publication, I remark, to the large, highly repressed woman with glasses in matching tweed suit jacket and skirt, who is manning the table, “Today’s sermon was nothing short of, how do I say, powerful!”
“So it hit home,” she says with un-blinking eye-contact
“Yeah,” I remark with an ultra-solemn face, adding a jerking hand-motion as if I were gripping my Thomas Jefferson. “I used to work it about a dozen times a day. {Pause} “Sometimes two dozen.” I add with a guttural moan, continuing to page through Think Before You Look.
“My husband’s testimony is in that book,” she points out matter-of-factly, almost proud.
I read, “Internet porn soon made me sexually disinterested in my wife…..”
How surprising. Who would have thought that her husband would become sexually disinterested in this piece of work? Welcome to Porn Sunday. Created by a Christian ministry named the XXX Church, Porn Sunday is designated to warn church-goers about the evils of porn.
It’s always been rumored that the Church of Scientology has a firm grasp on such celebrities as John Travolta and Tom Cruise due to the secrets they’ve obtained about their sexual preferences during their auditing sessions.
Gawker has obtained a leaked Scientology document that’s direct from the desk of L. Ron Hubbard. Entitled, “2nd Dynamic Security Check Questions,” the quiz is for new members of the cult and asks a whole series of questions involving deviant sex practices. As the rumors go, the answers to these questions are to be used against members if they ever decide to leave the Scientology cult.
Here’re a few example questions:
-Have you ever wanted to have perverted sex with (spouse)?
-Have you ever used sex as a punishment?
-Have you ever hurt (spouse) sexually?
You can almost hear the sound of L. Ron Hubbard licking his lips while asking these questions. Click here for the full list of questions.
It doesn’t get better than this. A leaked Scientology video featuring the woman who is the voice of Bart Simpson (Nancy Cartwright) and a host of unknown actors speaking out on their crusade to get more Scientology centers into neighborhoods. (Even your!)
Cults are funny. As the video synopsis says: Who wouldn’t want a beautiful place to take friends and learn about Scientology IN YOUR VERY OWN NEIGHBORHOOD! The COS plan is a total exercise in mind control. It could easily pass for a sales video for Amway. Greed is good.
Quick question: how come you never see any homeless people being taken in by the Sceintology folks? Answer: they have no money.
One day, Judy Hampton decided to change her name to Judy Zebra.
Now she's a prophet to many thousands of new age zombies.
Make sense?
Herself much Shirley MacLainer than Shirley MacLaine ever was, Ms. Zebra (pictured above, straining a stool whilst on 80mg of oxycontin) greatly influenced the feeble-minded actress back in the eighties. MacLaine's books, which include praise for Zebra, did much to increase the status and popularity of both women - that is, within the believe-anything community.
What did/does Zebra do to earn these accolades?
She writes books, lives in a mansion, and runs a "School of Enlightenment".
Wednesday March 10, 2010
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Canaderek's Back! 7 hours 42 min ago |
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A Refreshing Change 1 day 7 hours ago |
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How about the gay-movie: Men 2 days 14 hours ago |
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Japs 3 days 20 hours ago |
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Huh? 5 days 12 hours ago |
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Scotland? 1 week 3 days ago |
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Why does this crap sound 1 week 4 days ago |
