November 2009
Marijuana School Opens In Michigan: Truths and Fictions About Pot Farms
Published by Harmon on November 30th, 2009 in AMERICAN DREAM
O
h institutes of higher learning. Imagine not having to get high before class. Michigan has opened it’s doors to Med Grow Cannabis College. For $485, you can receive a six-week education on medical marijuana with classes centered on horticulture, medical marijuana law, and history. That’s right finally a school that teaches how to grow Med Grow Pineapple Sugar Kush.
According to the New York Times:
“The six-week, $485 primer on medical marijuana is a cross between an agricultural extension class covering the growing cycle, nutrients and light requirements (“It’s harvest time when half the trichomes have turned amber and half are white”) and a gathering of serious potheads, sharing stories of their best highs (“Smoke that and you are … medicated!”).
The only required reading: “Marijuana Horticulture: The Indoor/Outdoor Medical Grower’s Bible” by Jorge Cervantes.”
Video: Is There Life After Oprah?
Comedian Lee Camp begs the question: Is there life after Oprah? The result is the video that follows.
Party Crashers Michaele and Tareq Salahi DC Wedding Celebration
I
love it.
Potential reality stars risking jail for their shot at 15-minutes of cliched fame. The latest is a polo playing winemaker and his Washington DC trophy wife and their White House party crashing antics. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for sneaking into places, but take a gander at Michaele and Tereq Salahi’s wedding video and tell with all honesty whether or not you can watch it without vomiting over this pair. Just what the idle-rich-who-have-everything need is a realty show.
What’s next for the reality star obsessed? Holding a bus full of children hostage? Becoming an impromptu suicide bomber. Oh crazy reality TV; how I loath thee.
Canada Needs a Sarah Palin
Canada has been under the leadership of the Conservative Party’s Stephen Harper since 2006. Unfortunately, Canada’s Conservatives aren’t nearly as far right as are the Republican Party of the U.S. However, we’ve been shifting slowly towards that extreme in recent years (for example, we used to be called the “Progressive Conservatives” – ugh!). Some off us conservative Canadians would like to see that shift complete its course.
What we need, there can be no doubt, is our own Sarah Palin. Either the actual one, or a reasonable facsimile.
Who Are You Calling A Nigger? Wholesome Family TV!
No. We are not making that title up.
That was the name of a TV show we just watched on Channel 4 in the UK.
I'd like to see them try to get away with calling a show that in the US.
Show was fairly interesting - an examination of the racial hatred going on in the UK between Pakistanis and West Indians. Ah, Great Britian, how your empire has come back to haunt you. Although it's kind of hard to watch poor people in one of the LARGEST SOCIAL WELFARE STATES EVER bitch about the things they can't get. Try doing that back in the States, guys.
The host was Darcus Howe, who asked some good questions. The main problem is that he has absolutely no personality on TV whatsoever. Watching him ask questions was about as exciting as lawn bowling. Check the YouTube clip below.
Anyway, the most disturbing thing about the show wasn't the subject matter, it was the fact that Darcus HAD A FUCKING HUGE GRAY HAIR STICKING OUT OF HIS NOSE FOR THE WHOLE PROGRAM.
WTF?!!! Isn't that what makeup people are supposed to do? You've got 20 people on one of these crews and NOT ONE OF THEM NOTICED? It was horrible.
It's not visible in the clip below. I'll see if I can find one somewhere.
Easily one of the most disturbing things I've seen over here. Other than My Shocking Story. Watching that really puts things into perspective. Have a bad day? Yeah? well at least you're not TREE MAN.
Mash Up: Sarah Palin Book Signing & Heavy Metal Parking Lot
If you take the people who wait in line for Sarah Palin's book signing tour and mash it up with the cult movie Heavy Metal Parking Lot, you'll find Sarah Palin fans and Judas Priest fans have a lot in common--the joy of being moronic.
Freedom Haters combined the two films to let you decide:
Question: Is this video more insulting to Sarah Palin supporters or heavy metal fans? Freedom Haters wants to know!
Sarah Palin's Heavy Metal Parking Lot
One of the classic cult films is the 1986 documentary, Heavy Metal Parking Lot.
It chronicles trashed Judas Priest fans partying it up before a concert in a parking lot somewhere in the hinterlands of America. While waiting, mullet-clad fans scream their praises of Rob Halford and the Priest. We watch and snicker with extreme ironic detachment:
Watching the You Tube videos of the people camping out for Sarah Palin book signings has almost the strange, familiar Americana flavor not seen since the likes of Heavy Metal Parking Lot. Sure it’s a different climate in America, but yet you’ll find similar lines of moronic fans screaming blind clueless support for their idol. Once again we snicker at these poor fools with smug ironic detachment (Except the scary part is it’s here and NOW.)
Here’s a taste of the groupies at Sarah Palin’s Heavy Metal Parking Lot:
As irony served, a woman in Heavy Metal Parking Lot declared she’d like tojump Rob Halford’s bones. Little did she know that Rob Halford was (is) a big, gay leather daddy. It’s funny now with both distance and acquired information. What secrets are yet to be told from straight-shootin’ Sarah Palin?
The full story has yet to be told, but much like how she quit on the State of Alaska, she also quit on a crowd of over 300 people in Noblesville Indiana who waited for hours to have their books signed. Is this how they screamed when she quit office in Alaska?Perhaps in this circumstance she didn’t want to be a lame duck book signer? Once again, please welcome Sarah–the quitter:
Does Benny Hill Turn Into A Creepy Rapist By Adding the Omen Theme?
Does Benny HIll turn into a creepy rapists by running his show in slow motion and adding the theme song from the movie The Omen? You decide!
You Tube Keeps Tabs On Big Brother And The BART Police
You Tube keeps things honest. Once again the Bay Area BART police are in question over a posted You Tube video where an officer throws a drunk’s head through a window.
“The officer takes about seven steps while pushing Gibson off the train and across the platform toward a wall, which has a concrete base and glass panels above. There is a collision, and glass shatters onto the platform and the men.”
This comes on the heels of the New Year’s Eve shooting of an unarmed man by a BART police officer. The incident was captured on a cell phone and immediately posted on You Tube:
BART once again had some explaining to do when on Sunday the You Tube video appeared with the title: “BART cop breaks window w/drunk guy’s face.”
The BART police asked for a news conference after the video was viewed by over 300,000 people. The question is would they have held a press conference if the video wasn’t filmed and posted on You Tube?
What do Freedom Haters think?
Benny Hulk
Hmmmmm? What would the TV show, The Incredible Hulk, be like if it were shot like an episode of the Benny Hill Show. Hmmmmmmmm? I wonder. I really, really wonder?
Fashion Shoot at Berlin Holocaust Memorial Doesn’t Go Over Well
This is something straight out of the movie Bruno. Okay, if you’re going to do a non-ironic fashion shoot in front of Berlin’s Holocaust Memorial, chances are you’re going to piss a hell of a lot of people off for trivializing the actual purpose of the memorial. Thus the case with European low-cost airliner, EasyJet. Their inflight magazine did a fashion shoot where models posed among the concrete blocks of the “Field of Stelae,” which is a memorial to the 6 million Jews murdered in World War II.
The fashoinistas struck a brooding pose in black. Profuse apologizes from EasyJet followed in regard to the outrage once the images appeared in print. Hmm, was it only then that it struck them as inappropriate to have emaciated models strike a pose in front of the Holocaust memorial?
EasyJet might want to consider different locales for future fashion shoots, such as Auschwitz, the World Trade Center memorial, or the mass graves of Nanjiing.
The France/Ireland Football Controversy In The Age Of You Tube
Back of the ol’ onion net went Thierry Henry’s goal to seal France’s place in the World Cup with a victory over Ireland. Only problem is, the World Cup qualifying goal was a double handball. (Touched not once but twice by Henry.)
Sure not a big deal here in the U.S., but in other parts of the world they really do like the football (Translation: soccer.) After an impassioned plea, and a crazed online reaction from fans, the FIFA ruled that World Cup match between Ireland and France will not be replayed.
While the whole of Ireland after Henry’s head, former Ireland captain, and very bitter man, Roy Keane thinks his countrymen should just get over it:
Pick Up Artists Eat Their Own At The PUA World Summit
A few years back I read the Neil Strauss book, The Game.
It was a good, funny read that jumped into the sleazy, and sort of depressing, world of pick up artists. The book centered on the king of pick up artists: a guy who goes by the name Mystery and teaches his patented Mystery Method to awkward men at his seduction seminars.
But it's now a new era of the pick up artists. My friend Ali MacLean ventured to the 2009 PUA World Summit in Los Angeles. Tarting herself up in order to throw meat into the shark cage, what she discovered was a new generation of pick artists who now turn on the success of Mystery and his Mystery Method. Yes, in the new age of pick artists guys just want to be taken as sensitive souls (before they try to get inside their target's pants.)
Meeting speakers with names like Hypnotica, Speer, Mehow and Sexual Chocolate, here’s what she discovered. You might feel like washing your hands after viewing:
Read more of Ali's stuff at Ali On The Air. Our New Guest Blogger: John Gumura
EDITOR'S NOTE: Freedom Haters is pleased to announce our new guest blogger, John Gumra from Zimbabwe.
Firstly, I must introduce myself. I am JOHN GUMURA, a Citizen of Zimbabwe, but I am contacting you from Bangkok Thailand where I am now seeking political asylum.
I am the only son of MR AND MRS.WEMBA GUMURA, a wealthy black farmer and senior politician with the opposition political party in my country, Movement for Democratic Change (MDC). Our wicked President Robert Mugabe murdered my father and my mother, before I ran away from my country because I have become his next target to eliminate. My father was a fighter for Justice and a moving force in The MDC, a party wanting to end the several years of brutal Dictatorship government of President Robert Mugabe. You will read more stories about President Mugabe's brutal acts by visiting this web site: http://www.thezimbabwetimes.com/?p=735
My father and mother were labeled as opposition to President Robert Mugabe’s government.
The Government saw us as a big threat to them and decided to eliminate us. My mom and dad Mr. & Mrs Gumura . were attacked and murdered in the House, but fortunately, before they came looking for me, I received the news and I left the country through the border to South Africa to save my life, before my arrival here in Bangkok Thailand.
Here is my reason for contacting you. Before the death of my father, he deposited the sum of Ten Million US Dollars ($10M) with a security company during when he went to Thailand to purchase his farm machinery equipment, as if he foresaw the looming danger in Zimbabwe. The money was deposited as a gem / precious stone in a metal trunk box to avoid seizure and much demurrage from the security company organization. This money was earmarked for the purchase of new machinery and chemicals for the farms and the establishment of new farms in Lesotho and Swaziland.
I am willing to offer you 30% of the US$10 Million for your assistance to provide an account where the funds will be transferred into because I am faced with the dilemma of investing this amount of money in Thailand and the financial law and Regulations of the Republic of Bangkok, Thailand do not permit us financial rights to such huge sum of money. In view of this, I cannot invest this funds in Bangkok, Thailand. Moreover, the Thailand monetary policy/law does not allow such investment by an asylum seeker or refugee.
As I wait for your urgent Response, please treat this information as top secret and send me your full contact details.
Yours truly,
JOHN GUMURA . (for the family).
Hey! It's Tea Party--The Documentary Film!
T
his Thanksgiving the story of 2009 becomes the living history of the second American revolution: Tea Party–the documentary film.
Okay, is this a parody? It’s a parody, right!? Where’s Stephan Colbert? I mean they got the deep sounding movie voice over guy doing the trailer. (”It began as a ripple. An online whisper. A grassroots awakening–to a new threat on freedom!“) But everything else that follows is utterly ridiculous.
That’s right, the wingnut Tea Party Patriots have a big holiday movie coming out. It simply goes by the title: Tea Party-The Documentary Film. (Not to be confused with the porn classic involving the same characters: Tea Party–Teabaggers Revenge.)
Movie Tagline: Liberty’s march has a new generation of patriots.
A new generation? These Obama=Hitler sign waving idiots are all about 100 years old. With the film, the Tea Partiers try to cement an elevated sense of their importance with this cinematic venture– made entirely without self-awareness of the outside world.
What’s the expression when writing about pop culture oddities as this? Would it be shooting fish in a barrel?
Irony served in the Tea Party–The Documentary trailer. Highlights include guys wearing Revolutionary War garb with utter seriousness. Also, focus on thee one-and-only black Tea Party member. (Which makes it appear like Tea Party protests are the norm for African Americans.) The Tea Party Patriots’ place in history is bad political street theater mixed with a subtle racist message that allows elderly rednecks to spout such things as, “I want my old America back!”
Remember: Lady Liberty faces her newest challenge. And that would be nothaving the world laugh at these Michele Bachmann lead screaming morons after viewing. Surprising, this cinematic achievement is straight to DVD.
Alex Jones on the ADL Web Site
Alright!
The Anti Defamation League has a devoted a whole page to our favorite 9/11 profiteering nutball, Alex Jones!
Alex was from my 'hood of Austin, Texas and it's been interesting to watch him go from "crazy guy on the community access cable tv station" to "crazy guy hanging out with Charlie Sheen on Fox News".
I remember running into him in the hallway at Austin Community Access TV and asking him about 9/11 theories. He immediately let loose with a barrage of accusations.
One of our comedian friends recalls seeing Alex Jones at Barton Creek, standing in the middle of the stream and telling conspiracy tales while in his swimming suit.
I love the way they more or less distill all of Jones' oeuvre into bullet points:
- There is a conspiracy by malevolent globalists to take over the world and institute a “New World Order” with high-tech slavery;
- In the United States, conspiratorial figures such as “international bankers” and entities ranging from the Federal Reserve to the Council on Foreign Relations to the Bilderberg Group are engaged in a variety of strategies to take over (or extend their hold over) the government and to strip Americans of their rights, especially their rights to free speech and to own firearms;
- Some sort of final conspiratorial takeover of America is imminent, including a declaration of martial law and the incarceration of American citizens in FEMA-run concentration camps.
That's old AJ in a nutshell.
While you're on the ADL website, take a look at this page on The Oath Keepers. Creepy stuff.
Only Christian Side Hugs Before Marriage
T
his video makes me very happy. It’s a bunch of happy Christian rappers, acting all street, freestyling the merits of the non-sexual Christian Side Hug. What could be construed for a Saturday Night Live sketch is done here…….WITHOUT IRONY!
Yes, now it’s abstinence only for Christian teens when it comes to hugs. The basic message is that “front hugs” should be saved until marriage, This is told to us while using a lot of ghetto rap hand motions. (”Word!”) I think the fear here is if teens give each other a “full frontal hug” it’s leads towards the Satanic road of no return of crotch-to-crotch dry humping. The next thing you know, you’ll be on that slippery slope of supporting gay marriage and believing dinosaur bones aren’t a test from God. Best to keep it safe with a “side hug” (at least until one is declared man and wife). Listen to the wise words of the Christian rappers:
“I’m a married man.You know I can’t hold hands. Front hugs all day long with no other demands. But I ask of all of you, until you say ‘I do, no front hugging, or PDA or EG time is through.”
Watch out! Beware of those painted women with that “front hug” look in their eyes! Quick! Turn to the side! Pat her on the back! Why? Cuz Jesus never hugged anyone like that!
Hmm, I wonder what these Christian rappers would think of administering the old rusty trombone?
Watch and re-watch again, and again, and again, with a big plate of ironic detachment, because you got to ask yourself, “Who would Jesus front hug? “
Trump Suggests That Prejean Becomes Major Porn Star
M
iss USA Pageant owner/mavin Donald Trump has been pestered lately for advice from Christian, anti-gay, self-sex tape producing Carrie Prejean. Trump stated her reputation and credibility is in bigger shambles than our economy. Mr. Apprentice suggested she should look into a career in porn so she could, “make millions of dollars, and give it to worthy causes.”
Obviously, Trump is only saying this because Prejean is a strong conservative woman who are constantly under attack by liberals. (Ouch, how those words come back to haunt her.)
In regard to her scribe Still Standing, here’s what one of the numerous one star reviews on Amazon chime in (made more ironic now with newly disclosed info):
“The book reads like a juvenile gripe that was sometimes uncomfortably embarrassing when the reader knows this is coming from a grown woman. Poorly articulated arguments, filled with hypocrisy (Carrie’s conservative values apply to everyone else but herself). Plus a lack of grace under fire- Carrie is unable to take a critical look on herself instead focuses on putting down everyone who she does not agree with.”
Oh irony!
Outrage Over Obama’s Un-American Bowing In Japan
C
ontroversy has erupted from right wing lunatics and those who plain hate everything Obama does over his bow to Japan’s Emperor Akihito during his week-long tour of Asia.
Those outraged criticized that a president should stand tall when representing America. The best was on CNN when Obama’s bow was compared to Dick Cheney’s manly we-don’t-take-shit-from-foreigners firm American greeting:
According to the panel we should abide to xenophobia and not attest to other culture’s traditions when greeting them. The way the nit-picky right wing media scrutinizes this incident one would think Obama shat himself while greeting the emperor. Maybe next time he should greet Akihito with a high-five and a copy of Girls Gone Wild?
Obama should’ve followed the lead of George Bush Sr. when he greeted Japanese Prime Minister Miyazawa Kiichi by vomiting all over him like any good American would do!
Christians Disguise Message For God To Kill Obama
Published by Harmon on November 18th, 2009 in CONSPIRACY
T
hose crafty Christian conservative. Making the rounds in the Bible-banger sect is a T-shirt/bumper sticker campaign that reads: Pray for Obama—Psalm 109:8.
To the casual motorist this bumper sticker might not seem that unusual. But if you crack your Bible and did deeper, the palm actual reads: “Let his days be few; and let another take his office.”
Okay, nothing new for Christian conservatives to hate liberals. But there’s more: “Let his children be fatherless, and his wife a widow.”
Those crafty Christian conservatives! Maybe they were tired of getting so much flack at their Tea Party Protests for the Obama=Hitler signs that they decided to spout their true sentiments in biblical code?
